Confessions of an Illegal

I must confess that I am an illegal. I didn't do it knowingly, and it only recently came to my attention.

When I was a young kitten of about 5 weeks, I decided to take an adventerous walk one day. This was my first excursion away from my mother and siblings, and the great open world seemed to be calling me. It sounded like, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty."

In short order I found myself perched on top of a very tall fence. Getting up there was quite easy and it looked like it would be a grand time. However, like a lot of things I do, what seemed like a good idea turned into a very scary situation.

Summing all my stength, as well as my best lion voice, I let go with a mighty roar to summon my mother. "Mew, mew, mew," I roared at a volume that was stifled by the sound of grass growing. Fortunately, the wind carried my whining to the ears of my future human companion, who was outside playing with compost.

As he later reported to me, he followed my verbal trail until he spotted me bravely cowering on the fence rail. He gently removed me from my predicament and presented me to his female companion. They bickered for a few minutes. She wanted to toss me back, declaring that I wasn't a keeper. He suggested feeding me to fatten me up for Thanksgiving (or at least that's what I think he said).

They reached a happy medium and took me inside. At first I was happy, but I soon realized I was going from the frying pan into the fire. They put me in the bath tub and proceeded to bath me for hours. Then they took some pointy things and began picking little biting insects off of me. As fond as I had grown of the constant sting of tiny bites to my flesh, I must admit it felt good to be rid of those things.

I was then given some food and a small hotel room. Content for the first time in my life, I curled into a ball and took a nap.

That is the story of how I got over the fence and became an illegal. I had no papers, nor did I enter at a recognized border crossing.

However, as I recount the story, I now realize that it wasn't my fault. I was on my side of the fence, minding my own business when I was suddenly lifted up and deposited on the other side. I guess what this really means is that I was illegally abducted by aliens.

Captain Otto

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