Total Cheap Meetings

Here at Captain Otto's Painting and Seafood we are always striving to be the best at what we do, which is provide extremely cheap paint jobs. As the leader of the gang, it is my responsibility to continually drive everyone to find ways to cut costs.

Recently we began holding Total Cheap Meetings (TCM), in which all key quadripeds meet to discuss recent jobs and try to perfect our craft. We have found these meetings to be beneficial, so I thought I'd share some experiences and thoughts.

Our first rule is no paw pointing. Sometimes tempers can flare, and its easy to blame others. It is important that everyone remain calm, lest Spike decide to bite someone's jugular.

Rule number two is to focus on the customer. In this context, that means providing the cheapest paint job imaginable. Too many painting contractors focus on their desires, rather than the customer's.

Our last rule is that anyone suffering from distemper is not allowed to attend. We have found that anyone with distemper cannot really contribute to the discussion. In addition, it is very distracting to listen to the constant wheezing and complaining of the afflicted. Do everyone a favor and keep them out of the meeting. You might consider similar bans for rabies and Rocky Mountain spotted fever.

A typical job assessment begins with a summary of the job, just so everyone has a basic idea of what was done. The crew leader usually does this, unless he has distemper.

I will then begin to ask probing questions like: how much did you water down the paint? were you able to conduct a garage sale during the job? or, how many holes did you dig in the yard? These questions are not intended to put anyone on the spot, but simply to get the creative juices flowing.

We then discuss ways to reduce the job price. We've had some very imaginative ideas, such as giving the customer a huge discount if he buys the paint and applies it.

TCM may not be for every company. In fact, I was opposed to the idea, but sometimes I have to pretend like I care about what the others think.

Captain Otto

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