Since he is our customer service representative, Spike handles most of our customer complaints. This keeps him pretty busy dealing with things like trampled flower beds, broken window screens, large areas of the lawn burned by dog piss, late shipments of seafood, crew members humping the children, bones being buried in the back yard, large swarms of lucusts, mangled children's toys, damaged lawn furniture, missing cats, huge piles of feces on the sidewalk, non-delivery of mail, peeping giraffes, dead squirrels in the pool, public fornication, and occasionally, bad workmanship.
Spike has developed a fairly easy, but effective method for dealing with these complaints: He growls and foams at the mouth. That ends virtually every complaint immediately.
Captain Otto
© BEP Enterprises Incorporated 2008
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