What Should I Charge for...?

I have been an active member of CatTalk for several months. During this time, I have seen many members come and go. Someone pops in, telling everyone how high he can jump, or how many bowls of tuna and egg he can eat, or how many mice he's caught. I learned a long time ago, any cat that needs to toot his own horn is a horn tooter.

As annoying as these newbies are, the ones who start unleashing a barrage of questions without reading any past posts really annoy me. In fact, they annoy me more than a huge fur ball right after dinner. But that's a different story.

One of the most common questions is, what should I charge to...? Now, the members of CatTalk come from many different professions, so the precise question varies. We have been asked about the prices for cleaning up spilled milk, not unrolling all of the toilet paper, knocking all of the papers on the floor, and more.

But my favorite was about digging holes in the yard. Many of the members were quick to offer advice, but I saw through the ruse. No self-respecting cat would dig a hole, and I concluded that the poster was actually a dog posing as a cat. The fur really flew over that one.

I have become one of the most respected contributors on CatTalk, primarily because I treat kittens and old, skanky looking flea bags the same way. It doesn't matter whether you are a cute little ball of fur, or a balding, mange infested mess, I will treat you with the same contempt.

I have a reputation to uphold. As the world's first cat contractor, I am better than any cat and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. As someone once said, if you got it, flaunt it. I got it.

Captain Otto

© BEP Enterprises Incorporated 2008